By Nigel.
Focused as we are on our ‘Happy Relationship’ workshops and coaching programme, we keep bumping into little examples of the different ways men and women communicate.
Funny how that happens, isn’t it?
The other day, whilst shopping in Romsey with Jenny, we met a friend we hadn’t seen for a while and stopped for a coffee and chat.
When the coffee arrived and we were settled Jane asked “How are the children?” (We have four between us, two each from our previous marriages). I was taking my first sip, so Jenny answered along the lines of; “Well three of them are happy in long term relationships, and two of them are living with their partners. The one who’s not yet living with his girlfriend hopes to do so soon.” “We like their partners, and feel they fit in well with our family.” “The fourth one hasn’t got a serious girlfriend and is very focussed on his studies and work.” Then Jenny glanced at me to see if I was ‘engaged’ in the conversation and wondered what I was smiling about.
I realised the conversation could have another way if I had answered Jane first. I was ready to tell her, in strict order of age beginning with the oldest, the facts of their lives. What they were each doing, where they now lived, and in deference to our friendship, a bit about how I felt they were doing. A litany of facts in response to a polite enquiry! Is this a typically male answer?
From the delicious perspective of ‘observer’ I noticed how much Jane was deriving from the ‘relationship’ stuff. When I offered my ‘facts’ and these observations, they added a new dimension to our ‘chat’. What’s more we had a laugh about the intrinsic differences between men and women and their style of communicating.
Jane’s question was a ‘bid’ for connection. We ‘turned towards’ Jane in our responses and very quickly we were all in tune.
Sometimes conversations don’t go so well, and looking back we may wonder what caused the lack of connection. If some of you reading this are not quite sure what ‘bids’, ‘turning towards’ and ‘connections’ are all about you’ll need to come back and read some more as we explore the interesting issues of (mis)communication between men and women.
Can’t wait? Have a look at our website and read about our programme of workshops and coaching for couples. These are designed to give women and men new skills and understanding and to enjoy closer harmony in their relationship. http://www.thehappyrelationship.co.uk/
Focused as we are on our ‘Happy Relationship’ workshops and coaching programme, we keep bumping into little examples of the different ways men and women communicate.
Funny how that happens, isn’t it?
The other day, whilst shopping in Romsey with Jenny, we met a friend we hadn’t seen for a while and stopped for a coffee and chat.
When the coffee arrived and we were settled Jane asked “How are the children?” (We have four between us, two each from our previous marriages). I was taking my first sip, so Jenny answered along the lines of; “Well three of them are happy in long term relationships, and two of them are living with their partners. The one who’s not yet living with his girlfriend hopes to do so soon.” “We like their partners, and feel they fit in well with our family.” “The fourth one hasn’t got a serious girlfriend and is very focussed on his studies and work.” Then Jenny glanced at me to see if I was ‘engaged’ in the conversation and wondered what I was smiling about.
I realised the conversation could have another way if I had answered Jane first. I was ready to tell her, in strict order of age beginning with the oldest, the facts of their lives. What they were each doing, where they now lived, and in deference to our friendship, a bit about how I felt they were doing. A litany of facts in response to a polite enquiry! Is this a typically male answer?
From the delicious perspective of ‘observer’ I noticed how much Jane was deriving from the ‘relationship’ stuff. When I offered my ‘facts’ and these observations, they added a new dimension to our ‘chat’. What’s more we had a laugh about the intrinsic differences between men and women and their style of communicating.
Jane’s question was a ‘bid’ for connection. We ‘turned towards’ Jane in our responses and very quickly we were all in tune.
Sometimes conversations don’t go so well, and looking back we may wonder what caused the lack of connection. If some of you reading this are not quite sure what ‘bids’, ‘turning towards’ and ‘connections’ are all about you’ll need to come back and read some more as we explore the interesting issues of (mis)communication between men and women.
Can’t wait? Have a look at our website and read about our programme of workshops and coaching for couples. These are designed to give women and men new skills and understanding and to enjoy closer harmony in their relationship. http://www.thehappyrelationship.co.uk/
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