Jenny's Blog 31 August 2007
This week Sir Bobby Charlton, footballing legend, published his autobiography. He mentions difficulties between his wife and his late mother that caused a rift between him and his brother Jack.
Family rifts are all too common and can develop when we don’t tackle difficulties early enough. Left to fester, unresolved arguments can lead to words that are difficult to take back or to perceived injustices with both parties unprepared to forgive and forget. So is it possible to heal these rifts, or even better to prevent them happening in the first place? That’s the question that Radio Wiltshire’s Shelley Keene asked me last Wednesday morning.
Of course if both parties want to change, they can find a way. It helps to have someone else make the first move, as happened with a friend of ours, whose niece was the catalyst for him rebuilding his relationship with his sister. An independent facilitator can make all the difference in helping people see things from the ‘other’ perspective. And remember, understanding the other person’s point of view doesn’t mean you have to wholeheartedly accept it - finding ways to agree to differ are at the heart of reconciliation. It can also help to look at the emotional heritage you bring with you to a relationship, deciding what is useful to you and getting rid of excess baggage.
It’s even better if you can prevent arguments or differences deepening into a feud. Just like the mother of a young child reaching for another child’s toy, who distracts her toddler with something else - or even more enticing - her undivided attention. For some people it’s a natural instinct to respond positively to early signs of ‘danger’, while others benefit from learning ways to call to mind simple strategies for avoiding conflict.
Check out our website for information on our couples coaching and those other little 'times of change' that cause us to think about our relationships.
http://www.thehappyrelationship.co.uk/
This week Sir Bobby Charlton, footballing legend, published his autobiography. He mentions difficulties between his wife and his late mother that caused a rift between him and his brother Jack.
Family rifts are all too common and can develop when we don’t tackle difficulties early enough. Left to fester, unresolved arguments can lead to words that are difficult to take back or to perceived injustices with both parties unprepared to forgive and forget. So is it possible to heal these rifts, or even better to prevent them happening in the first place? That’s the question that Radio Wiltshire’s Shelley Keene asked me last Wednesday morning.
Of course if both parties want to change, they can find a way. It helps to have someone else make the first move, as happened with a friend of ours, whose niece was the catalyst for him rebuilding his relationship with his sister. An independent facilitator can make all the difference in helping people see things from the ‘other’ perspective. And remember, understanding the other person’s point of view doesn’t mean you have to wholeheartedly accept it - finding ways to agree to differ are at the heart of reconciliation. It can also help to look at the emotional heritage you bring with you to a relationship, deciding what is useful to you and getting rid of excess baggage.
It’s even better if you can prevent arguments or differences deepening into a feud. Just like the mother of a young child reaching for another child’s toy, who distracts her toddler with something else - or even more enticing - her undivided attention. For some people it’s a natural instinct to respond positively to early signs of ‘danger’, while others benefit from learning ways to call to mind simple strategies for avoiding conflict.
Check out our website for information on our couples coaching and those other little 'times of change' that cause us to think about our relationships.
http://www.thehappyrelationship.co.uk/
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